Mass with children can be exhausting

By Colleen Roy

It makes my day when someone compliments my children. I pretend that I have something to do with whatever's being complimented.

"Your son is handsome; he looks just like his dad." In my head I substitute "you" for "dad" and have a happier day.

The most shocking compliment that I have received lately was about my children's good behaviour at church. I was taken aback and stuttered, "My kids? Uhh, okay ... thanks, then," and gazed in confusion as the lady left the foyer.

Her compliment was completely unexpected. Mass can be the most stressful hour of my week. Typically I start optimistically, finding our regular seats and settling in. Scott motions that he'll take the boys to the "telecast room" but I wave him back in. He rolls his eyes but comes back in. The opening hymn begins; I pull Nicolas up off the floor and stop him from kicking the next pew.

Andrew decides it's time to nap and makes a coat pillow. We find him with his arms behind his head, as though he's sunbathing instead of at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Elijah notices Andrew and blows raspberries. He head dives from Scott's arms, trying to land on his big brother.

We lift Andrew but Nicolas has somehow army crawled under the pew to meet him. They start removing hymnal covers and rolling them into telescopes. Elijah cries because he can't be a part of the action, and, alas, Scott makes his way to the "telecast room."

One Mass as I scolded Nicolas for his usual shenanigans, he looked up at me, furrowed his brow, and while maintaining eye contact curled his fingers, one by one, into Spiderman web-throwing position. I couldn't hear exactly what he muttered, but I read the words, "Now I'm going to get you, you bad guy," from his lips. At the end of Mass when Father said, "The Mass is ended. Go in the peace," I sighed and said with exhaustion, "Thanks be to God!"

Sometimes I wish the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist brought about a sedative type of effect on children who are in the same room with Him. Did the little children who gathered around Jesus whine, kick, and ask if He had doughnuts?

I think I would feel much better if they had.

Bringing children to Mass is crucial in forming their faith, so how can one do it without driving everyone around them insane? Obviously it would help if those also present were supportive and happy to see children, instead of scowling and "harrumphing." At the same time parents cannot let their children run wild. We must teach them that Mass is sacred and silence is golden.

I don't actually like cry rooms much because I find it too easy to let the kids go free while I try to make out whatever I can from the speaker, knowing that the rest of the church can't hear them. Instead of being a place to temporarily bring fussy children, cry rooms seem more like McDonald's birthday parties.

I've actually seen people bring cheeseburgers and pop in. Toys and Cheerios clutter the floor, and the children start making friends with each other.

It's all very nice, except that, you know, we are in the presence of God and all.

With that in mind I offer a few tips for bringing children to Mass; some I have found to be very helpful. While I know that no child will stay completely vegetative for the hour, any progress is good!

1. Come to Mass early and find seats up front. Children can see what's happening and won't be distracted by friends. They can look at stained glass windows and other pieces of art.

2. Bring Catholic books with pictures. Do not bring toys.

3. Plan nursing or bottles for the homily so that you can actually hear the priest.

4. Let the kids participate. Give them coins so they can anticipate the collection. Teach them how to shake hands properly so they will participate at "peace" time.

5. Teach the common prayers. Repetition can have 2-year-olds saying the Our Father. When they hear something they recognize, they will join in. The same goes for hymns. Buy Catholic kids CDs (e.g. Cat Chat) that they can listen to on weekdays.

6. Go to Mass on weekdays.

7. Be consistent with discipline and removals from the main church area when they are noisy and distracting. No matter how supportive your fellow parishioners and priest are, you still should respect others' need for prayer and sacred silence.

8. Read the Gospel before Mass and talk about it with your kids on the way in. You are then guaranteed to have heard it, and the little ones may pay attention more.

9. Pray for grace, patience, and understanding pew neighbours! If you're like me, it may be your only hope.

10. When the time comes and your children are grown and you forget how restless your own children were, smile and be the one to compliment a harassed mother of three squirmy preschool boys. It will probably make her day.